Why People Fail

Why People Fail

1330520171_5345w45424Unlike my normal Rants, which are mostly about money (although all this strongly  relates to money), I’m instead going to get a bit deep and meaningful for a change. Not quite sure how I will go but I will give it my best shot.

It comes from the fact that recently a client pointed out to me that even though the position I’ve taken in the market place is the position of the “no-bull money guy” that on closer inspection I talk a lot about behaviour. And on reflection, it’s true and a step we can’t seem to skip in our search for financial success.  Mostly it’s your head that gets in the way… Your “neck top” computer.

You see, after 58 years of expensive experience working with a whole lot of successful individuals up close and personal in the zoo cage, sometimes in the boardroom and lucky for me, occasionally in the bedroom, there are behaviours common to successful people.

And it’s these “success commonalities” that should be of most interest to you. For every other reason these successful people are as dysfunctional as you and me. And to be quite honest, I suspect I am more dysfunctional than most, except where money is concerned.

The rest of this Rant will reveal why I believe most people fail to achieve what they passionately desire and why only 4% of people act on a solution to a problem when it’s presented to them.

In life, the great truths are elegantly simple and here I believe it’s no exception. In order to be successful, you have to…Take Risks but that’s not the BIG Secret why people fail.

Most people are afraid to take risks because they are afraid to fail.

They are afraid to fail because they suffer from low self-esteem. People with a high self-esteem don’t take failure personally. So if you want to be more successful, build up your self-esteem. After all, we learn more from our mistakes than we do from our successes.

And I know with all the mistakes I have made, I should be a whole lot smarter than what I am now. You see, I have made hundreds of mistakes and hopefully enough to get good at something. I learnt this “Secret of Success” in my 58 years of expensive experience.

The elegant truth is if you want to be successful, you have to see failure differently, you have to…

RAISE YOUR SELF-ESTEEM

A strong self esteem makes you less concerned about what other people think of you and less afraid of failure, it increases your likely hood of success. Successful people have a high self-esteem

SELF-ESTEEM is a term used in psychology to reflect a person’s overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs (for example, “I am competent” or “I am incompetent”) and emotions such as triumph, despair, pride and shame. A person’s self-esteem may be reflected in their behavior, such as in assertiveness, shyness, confidence or caution

Self-Esteem is your internal view on your ability to do anything.  If your brain thinks you can do something, you can, but if it thinks you can’t, you can’t. That’s why you can’t hit yourself in the nose because your survival mechanism (your brain) won’t let you (fail).

Your brain stops you from taking action, that way you never fail… It’s protecting you.

So why do we have such poor self-esteem? One reason is we have been taught to be more modest. When we succeed and achieve great and wonderful things.

We are being taught to be modest. Which one would you say is more important, modesty or honesty?

When we achieve something great we say silly things like “Shucks, that was nothing” “Golly Gee, anyone could have done that!” “I was just doing what anyone would have done” I read about a guy who ran into a burning house recently to save somebody, his comment was “anyone would of done it”… I don’t think so.

The problem is society makes a big deal out of our mistakes and embarrasses and ridicules us so we NEVER do it again. Society tells everyone you failed, that’s the way it is. There’s a big imbalance in that we… blow off compliments and blow up mistakes

A great way to raise your self-esteem is by listing 5 GREAT ACCOMPLISHMENTS you have had in your life. If you think about it, I bet you could come up with 5 great accomplishments of your own.

Here are my 5 GREAT ACCOMPLISHMENTS in order to what’s important for me:

PARENTING – I’m really proud of the parent I am, I’m no drunk unlike my dad who was no great role model. Very proud of the relationship I have with my two children.
WHO I HAVE BECOME – Having failed pretty much everything at school, quite amazing that I have become the “Millionaire Maker” I am today and the “Coach of the Coaches” of this country. I really had to get out of my comfort zone to achieve this. I have even got to live my passion, helping business owners and entrepreneurs, those great risk takers
WHO I HAVE HELPED – I get great pleasure from the friendships I created by being able to free people from financial poverty, even save people from bankruptcy. I am much loved by many (but not by all) some openly choose to forget where they learnt it, who taught it to them and in fact, today claim to of figured it out all on their own. Seems to me they think you get paid more if you actually invent fire, in other words, got a rock and a stick and rubbed them together.
WAKE UP HAPPY AND POSITIVE – My dearly departed wife described me as happy, funny, bossy and controlling. Truer words were never spoken, I think it’s the best description of me I have ever heard.
ZERO TO SELF MADE MULTI-MILLIONAIRE – Basically from poverty, largely ignorant and dumb parents (not their fault),  although much loved, openly by my mum, I have achieved what most people who knew me in my informative years, would of thought was impossible

Now go make your self-esteem list. I suspect you have got lots to be proud of and hopefully it will be an exercise in firstly building your self-esteem, secondly making you more immune to criticism and someone who now sees’s failure for what it really is… an opportunity to correct, an opportunity to get closer to success not further away.

All the best,

Mal Emery
Committed to Elevating the Financial Wealth and Wellbeing of Society
Through Entrepreneurial Excellence and Guilty of Conspiracy to Create Capitalism

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  1. Great post Mal. I certainly agree that my problem has always been self esteem and only when I admitted it could I atlast do something about creating a life that truly works.

    Thanks for your help. Forever grateful. Jeff Muir

  2. You are absolutely right Mel,not everyone is capable of some of the things that others recognise about us as great or exceptional,I find it hard to take compliments. subsequently it inadvertently creates self doubt and yes you’re low self esteem. I am very competent and need to accept it without embarassment. Cheers GregM

  3. Nice one Mal..

    A good kick in the pants to remind myself ourselves to not bath in the misery of low self esteem..

    and remind ourselves of what we are proud of..

    and ps: I will not fall into the trap of forgetting where much of what we do in Blue Rocket came from… value table, choice of yes’s, continuity, better copy, internet lead gen etc…

    thanks Mate..

  4. Like it Mal , need to match up healthy self esteem with wisdom. If not you could coach inspired idiots . I have had a few of these in my time !

  5. Yes me to Mal. I struggle all the time and have to put the negative voice in my head aside so I can do what I need to do everyday. High Self Esteem appears to come so easily to some people whilst for others, it is a challenge to get over seeing yourself as never good enough, pretty enough, slim enough….. Whatever it is or where ever it came from is irrelevant – you can either let it hold you down or use it to propel yourself forward. Everyday I am practising to be the best I can be and I am definately learning to have more confidence and self esteem. Sounds a bit sad but it does not come naturally to me! Cheers, Fiona

  6. Big Mal,
    How are you Mate??
    Believe it or not, I’m even more Ancient than yourself, and still rummaging through life’s ‘Potentials’ – I guess I’ll always be Potential – very little ActualLOL!

    BTW, you wrote the following: “I was just doing what anyone would have done” I read about a guy who ran into a burning house recently to save somebody, his comment was “anyone would of done it”… I don’t think so
    I’m not sure if it was the same incident, but that is precisely the report in the local paper some years ago re a friend of mine here in Melbourne. Last time I saw him I was on my way to our Church’s Temple. The traffic had literally come to almost complete stop over 3Km over inescapable territory [no side streets]. What do I see this guy doing amongst all this frentic situation?? He’s out there – van and all – pulling up onto the nature strip, trying to set up a tow on some guy whose Batmobile had come to a complete stop!!!
    Today I call this guy, Superman!!

  7. Hey mal, Good advice as always. Success I find is usually in your head so you segment of self esteem is right on.

    I find that I’m unproductive when I’m feeling down or weary … so nothing gets done.

  8. Hi Mal,

    From my observations and many years in the coaching and training industry, I do agree with your analysis. It’s as if low self-esteem puts an invisible glass ceiling on a person’s level of achievement – but – wow, what a difference it makes to results, as soon as that self-esteem rises! Cheers and all the best, Terri

  9. Mal … you’re like a breathe of fresh air and just what I needed to revisit today … thank you … you R.O.C.K. ….I’m receptive and open right now, in my life, to, … pull back …. pull back .. and only let the good things manifest. I’m ready for NEW BEGINNINGS. I’m self-employed, a widow, great Mum, loving – crazy & enthusiastic friend, and a great believer in POSITIVE feeling ….. think and FEEL positive, that’s the key ….

  10. Great post Mal,

    Love the No BS approach with get up smiling and be happy!

    And yep so true about the self esteem factor had a couple of dooozy failures in the past and caught myself slipping into that Oh @*$^ head space instead of brush it of and get on with it.

    Lucky I have studied guys like you who pave the way to get up, keep going despite what is going on outside of us.

    Rich

  11. The universe delivers what we need when we need it and it’s just a matter of being tuned in and open to receiving it.

    Thanks Mal – loved it. Your timing is perfect. Right in line with what I’ve been working on this week and challenging myself on. Particularly when did my life motto change from – ‘I can do’ to ‘maybe I can do’ — something less certain!

    With a smile,
    Yvette

  12. Yes Mal, a wonderful article. I think most of the battle is realising that low self esteem is the problem. Once you have this covered you can start to move forward. As Seth Godin puts it, you need to quieten the lizard brain .Our inbuilt survival mechanisms that keep us in check. They’ll always be there but we need to recognise them ,befriend them and then put them to one side so we don’t get held back by them. Fear in all forms is the best emotion for keeping you average.
    thanks again Mal

  13. G’day Mal,

    Great post Mal ,its ‘raw and very true’.

    This makes my many failures extreemly successful indeed, however this still makes myself look within and ask for more.

    I made my (success & failed )list long ago, to which I am very proud of the FEW SUCCESSES of which I made out of all my previous failure’s worthy of achieving.

    We are infact a little like Onions with our layers and complexities.

    The more we ‘peel’ through our ‘safe layers’ from within our core centre, the more we find the ‘vulnerabilities’ which present back to us in sometimes ways we ‘really desire not to have’.

    This is essential however if were to reap the rewards to success from areas we otherwise may not be able to achieve by ourselves.

    The only point here I press is its ‘essential’ to surround ourselves with good positive people, whom ‘we can trust’ and aim to model ,or we may again find ourselfs being ‘sabotaged’ by external entities & this ‘pain’ keeps us from being open and receptive in the first place.

    Being a bit of a ‘vegetable’ & close guarded blockhead myself , I personally must keep reminding myself to drop my guard to allow people access,so Im still a work in progress.( old habits do die hard ):

    All the best.

    Kind regards.

    Sincerely.

    Mr.Mateeyes

  14. Hi, Mal spot on what you are saying.We tend to suffer tall poppy syndrome.Most people tend to want to keep you at their level.My moto I get knocked but down but I get up again(sometimes it takes a bit of getting up).If ya not on the edge ya taking up to much space!!

  15. Hello Mal EMery 🙂 I totally agree with everything you said as usual 🙂 The author Felix Dennis said in one if his books that most people you know will take great delight in teasing you and in pointing out to you over and over again that if a proposed business venture does not succeed, then it may fail Big deal!! 🙂 Just close that business and open another one! After all a business is really just a piece of paper in a manilla folder when you analyse it. Costs about 70 bucks to register 🙂

  16. Ps- have you heard that funny joke- the National Meeting for raising self esteem has been cancelled, because nobody turned up 🙂

  17. “ When the Great Master Digs Deep Into His Soul to Reveals All The Students See The Light.”

    Going out to buy another “Magic Box of DVD’s and stuff” to feed my low self esteem will get me nowhere. All it does is eat up my cash and trick me into the belief that it was the wrong Magic Box of stuff.

    Attending workshops like “Landmark” and “Money and You” and “Future Warrior” and “Anthony Robins” and “John Demartini” actually works.

    I know that’s what my wife Jennifer and I have done and I know that’s what You, Mal have done too. The real secret to our continued success is that we have done the hard yards of personal development that give the solid foundations for the “Box of Stuff” and Mal’s leadership and advise to work.

    Now here’s a contradiction for you. Looks like the popularity of a post on “Soft Stuff” that is really hard to sell gets a huge blog response when the Guru speaks. Looks like we all need it so when are you running your ‘NEXT’ Self Esteem workshop.

    “ When the Great Master Digs Deep Into His Soul to Reveals All The Students See The Light.”

    Jeff Muir 2010

    Mal, your courage and great gift to me has been gratefully received.

  18. Fabulous…I first heard of you in the Success magazine…and as the founder of Selfday International Self Esteem Day…I’m working toward a movie to teach the importance of self esteem. I’m using your ideas in my business as i work on my ‘big idea. LOVE IT!

  19. Hi Mal,

    I don’t always agree with everything that you say but I believe that this may be one of your most profound postings.

    I have just wound up my business. My initial reaction was 27 years work down the toilet but thanks to some great mentors I have been able shift my paradigm into a positive head space.

    Rather than thinking in terms of failures I now think in terms of learning experiences. It is amazing just how much inpact such a simple change in thinking can have on one’s psyche.

    I am revving myself up for my next challenge now.

    I am just about to take your challenge to make my list of my life achievements.

    Thanks for the post mate

    MarkN

  20. Hi Mal,

    Thanks for the post. It came just at the right time. Your exercise of writing down 5 times that you have achieved success is a great way to remember the best times. If I want to remember anything that’s important to me now-a-days I type whatever it is out in 26 point, print it out and sit it up in front of my workspace to remind me constantly. I think I’ll type up my list of greatest successes.
    Thanks once again for your insights.
    Sigrid

  21. Thanks again all for your great contribution to this post, it has certainly hit a nerve.

    To true Jeff, Future Warrior and Money and You were life changing for me but interesting enough they were the first courses I did at the ripe old age of 42 and I had already created my first fortune by that time.

    Ok Jeff, you are right on, the response has been massive! I will look at running a Rebellious Million Dollar Mind and Money event next year, lots of exercises, behave, think and do the opposite of the masses, should be able to do 2 to 3 days

  22. I need to list my 5(theres more)achievements in business life. will keep the personal life and sport out-not that i really excelled in sport.

    *Been to the building tribunal in Qld 6 times for 6 wins enabling 6 Families to have the home improvements they wanted when Councils who forget why they are there refused build permission.

    *Started my own successful business 25 yrs ago still running – see footnote. Won most of state wide sales comps in last 21 years of selling. Overcame my fear of public speaking Losing my other business venture started more recently with a family member that eventually lost my house all, but got up again at 60 which doesnt leave much time to own a house pre retire.

    Bugger,how can one retire when you love the chase so much. End of vanity statement

  23. As you often do Mal – you struck a chord with me… and yes self esteem is an issue.
    As Jeff said the box of stuff is not necessarily the way to go and a 2 -3 intensive course would be very welcome.

    Mal – does the way many of us (read me) seek external approbation and aproval to fuel our self esteem, one of our biggest hurdles?
    You see I am learning that the more I look to external sources to fuel my self esteem the lower my self esteem goes.

    Going internal and building on a solid core of inner truths and honouring them … ie truly understanding who I really am and the values I hold and live by.

    Like you often talk about… and a very valuable exercise to do.. is to make a list of what you will do and won’t do for money. Very enlightening!

    Thanks Mal.. you have me thinking…yet again.

  24. Great and effectiveness article as well as some inspiring to us because why we fail is a big topic we all success in our life but some body get taste of success and other some get taste of bitter life.we should always learn from our failure and get be learn some new challenge from our failures.

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